you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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