Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
