he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
