Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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