Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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