god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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