I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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