Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
