you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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