it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
