i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
