there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
