Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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