i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
