Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm both gender and math confused
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
