i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh god it's open bar.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
