ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize