shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
