Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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