I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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