After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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