I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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