well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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