i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
