I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
