she kept yelling 'call me bella'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
