I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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