My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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