I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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