her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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