I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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