I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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