Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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