What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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