I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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