People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
