things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
