Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize