please come you make the beer taste better
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
