i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
