I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
