she was so not down for the gang bang
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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