you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
