would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
