I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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