and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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