So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
