All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Shame is for Republicans.
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