Ketchup is God's man juice
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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