btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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