As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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