Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
