I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
