I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
