Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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