I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
