Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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