i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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