so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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