someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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