he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need a beard to bite.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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