so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
