He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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