After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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