So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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