I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
