my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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