This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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